Outcast
by fuzzi fox
Summary: Aelita's POV. After she is materialized, her lack of a 'childhood' proves to make her transition into the real world harder than she could have ever imagined, as new problems rise to the surface she wonders if she was ever meant to be on earth.
1. Prologue

Hey all, I decided to do a Lyoko fic because I love that show. I seem to be better at tragedy (or so people say) so this is going to be more on the tragic side. I hope you enjoy! Excuse the pbad formatting, I haven't loaded microsoft word back into my computer yet and I'm just using wordpad.

**L**ooking back I remember it all so well, I was the sole inhabitant of Lyoko and I had never had true friends so I never understood what people call 'lonliness' nor did I ever feel its crushing grip. Everything seemed so perfect to me then, but I was neive to otherwise. X.A.N.A had yet to be infected with that aweful virus. My whole world shattered with that day that he was infected. It was after I sent the distress call that I met them, the humans of a paralell world that the infected X.A.N.A wished to destroy as well. Yumi, Ulrich, my beloved Jeremie and of course Odd. They became much more than friends to me, saving both our worlds but my own life many times. But that is another story.

It seems so long ago now, the day I was materialized. I looked up to their smiling faces, their real faces, for the first time. Jeremie's smiled glowed brighter than any of the other's as he extended his hand,

"Welcome to earth Aelita." He laughed, and I looked down and noticed my clothes were different as were theirs. As I took Jeremie's hand and he helped me up our relationship soared within ourselves. I had no idea that 'love' could later cause me so much heartbreak. I was enrolled into the school and lived with Yumi, as her foreign penpal, as she had told her parents I was. Earth was so much different from Lyoko, and I felt a twinge of sadness to think I would never see what had been my home for countless years, for the only way to defeat X.A.N.A would be to shut everything down. I knew the others felt similar sadness to think they would never return there, and would miss the adventures and live off only the memories, but I felt a deep homesickness.

As dangerous as it was, I loved Lyoko. Every rhelm so diverse and beautiful. I often enjoyed meditating in the more mountainous regious, possibly because it was there that Jeremie often made contact with me. I had always thought living with my friends, the only other living beings I had interacted with, would be an endless joy. It wasn't until I had met them however, that I began to understand what 'lonliness' was, whenever they left Lyoko and I was left alone once more I would not always succomb into the serenity I had known all my life. I had known what it was like to be with others. To me it was like, how they say 'once you taste the forbidden fruit.' is how i can best describe the change. But lonliness was not the only emotion new to me, far from it. I also learned sympathy, longing, what it felt like to worry over someone other than yourself. But strongest of any of these emotions was Love. Although I had never felt it before I knew unmistakably that I was in love with Jeremy.

People would seem it foolish to think that I knew what love was, to others I appeared as another neive thirteen year old but I was far from it. I was ageless, I could not remember my 'age' nor could I remember being a child, having parents, or any of what humans called childhood memories. I lacked everything that a normal teenager held except for the years of knowledge to get by in school. It was my lack of experience, and my still adjusting to all these emotions I had never known about that made my adjustment into earth harder than I could have ever imagined.

More to come!


	2. First Day

**Chapter 1**

My first day on Earth was full of strange wonders I had never before experienced. Jeremie described me as what humans call a 'tourist', although I still do not fully understand what he meant. They all decided to skip school in order to show me around a bit, and take in what would be my new home. It was almost nothing like Lyoko, full of crowded 'buildings' and very little open space. There were no sudden drops into an endless oblivion, and this came as a mild comfort. But I had already begun to miss Lyoko. I didn't like the crowdedness, or the lack of privacy. I had spent all my life in isolation until I had met these four humans. But several months together in comparison to endless years of solitude made it incredibly difficult for me to feel comfortable with hundreds of people milling around. I remember Jeremie glancing back at me and smiling, his every worded etched into my memory as if it had been programed there.

"Maybe the city wasn't the best place to take you Aelita. Come on, let's take you out into a more country-like setting," He explained. I smiled back at him and felt a powerful surge of the emotion called 'love' as he took my hand. I began to wonder about things that had never crossed my mind before, like what it is like to experience a hug, or more powerful yet; a kiss. I knew what one was, I had seen Ulrich and Yumi nearly kiss once in Lyoko and knew that it was a meaningful way to express how you feel. I felt like I should have kissed Jeremie, to show him that I loved him but I was unsure of how to do it.

We arrived at Yumi's house and waited as she went inside to ask her parents to drive us to the lake. Although reluctant, Yumi managed to convince them. A car was a whole new experience for me. I was used to walking and running to wherever I wanted to go. Jeremie noticed how hesitant I was about getting in the car and smiled to me again, a gesture I will never tire from.

"Come on Aelita," He said. I had noticed that he quite often used my name when he spoke to me, and it made me begin to wonder where my name came from. I had no memory of parents or any other beings in Lyoko, and I concluded that I must have been named when I was created just as X.A.N.A had been named. I sat in the car and stared out the window in amazement. I assumed my face didn't quite show how amazed I was for the others didn't seem to react much. We talked for however long it was that we had 'driven' and stepped out. "Its just a short walk from here," I rubbed my ear lightly as we stepped out, surprised to find that my ears were rounded like theirs and no longer pointed like that which they called an 'elf'.

"My ears. They're round." I said.

"Like ours. When you were materialized you were made fully human, even the markings on your face are gone." Jeremie explained me.

"Too bad, they would have made half the girls at school jealous!." Odd laughed, placing a hand on the pack of his neck. Jealousy was another emotion I had never experienced so I had no idea what it was. I felt foolish asking, and the others didn't seem to comprehend my lack of knowledge of things they found so casual. Turned away and began to walk towards the large body of water, allowing myself to take in the true natural beauty that Earth had to offer. The water shimmered in the sunlight and I watched, fixated on the ripples. I had never seen such a thing before. Most of the water in Lyoko was frozen. This time the others were able to notice my astonishment and Odd couldn't help but laugh and make a, 'sarcastic' remark. I had never experienced sarcasm before and so I took what he had said quite literally until Jeremie explained it to me and scolded Odd.

I veered my sight back onto the lake and walked slowly up to it and dipped my hand into the cold water. I glanced back up and noticed the images of trees in the water and I was quite confused by this.

"Is that what people call a reflection?" I asked.

"Oh. Ah, yes Aelita. And look down, you can see your own face." Jeremie explained. I leaned over the edge of the water and saw myself for the first time, i leaned over further, and I heard the others give a shout but it was too late, I toppled foreward and landed into the water. Jeremie pulled me back as fast as he could manage. "You don't have the same powers you had in Lyoko." He tried to explain to me. "Come on, Yumi's parents are waiting for us we need to get you dried off before you get sick." He explained.

"Sick? I don't get sick." I tried to assure him.

"You're human now, you can catch a virus as easily as we can."

"A virus!" I exclaimed, spining around feircly so I could face him. "I don't want to end up like X.A.N.A." Jeremie assured me that a computer virus is far different than a human virus and this came as one of hte greatest comforts I would discover as a human.

Sorry It's so short, but I have a lot to do. Review please and I hope you liked!


	3. An endless Paradox

We arrived back at Yumi's house and the others had to return home, leaving me and Yumi to ourselves. We talked about 'girl things' as she taught be about adjusting to having a girl's body. She explained to me how all girl's bodies changed to prepare for childbirth, and I must admit the things she explained frightened me so. Looking back it seemed that in Lyoko I merely exsisted, for I was never born and I never aged. As such, I never went through what Yumi called 'puberty'. It seemed strange that I could know enough to get by in school but the knowledge I needed for living the life of a human I lacked.

"It's ok. are you hungry?" She offered, having noticed how perplexed I was after her explanations.

"I don't know what it feels like to be hungry." I explained, somewhat embarassed by the prospect. Yumi furrowed her brow in thought and looked back up at me.

"Well its a feeling in your stomache like it's empty and only eating food makes it feel better. Let's get you something to eat and see." She explained. I nodded happily and followed her, curious as to how this 'eating' would feel. Yumi snatched several items from the icebox and cabinets before carring it all back to her room.

"What is all this?" I asked curiously.

"Cold pizza, chips, and some cookies." Yumi said with a smile. She held a slice of the pizza out to me and I took it, looking at it oddly first, rather confused at what to do with it. "take a bite, like this." Yumi tried to explained, then showed me. I repeated her gesture and chewed the bite, enlightened by the new senstions pouring forth in my mouth. "thats called taste. By the look on your face I can tell you like it!" Yumi laughed. I nodded joyfully, enthralled by this new sensation called 'taste'. After we had finished eating I found that I felt very much so refreshed and my stomache did indeed feel better, as it had always felt when I was still a part of Lyoko. At this thought I felt another wave of homesickness that did not ebb quite as quickly as it had before.

"Yumi, my throat feels like it does when I breathed in sand on Lyoko." I explained, perplexed since we were inside and there was no dirt or sand in sight.

"You're just thirsty, I'll go get you some water." Yumi handed me the glass and once again I was at a loss at what to do. "swallow it like you did the food, only because its water you don't have to chew it." She explained. I had seen water before and felt it but never before had I 'drank' it. I did as Yumi told me and my throat was purged of its discomfort. It wasn't long until i felt a strange pressure in my lower abdomen, and Yumi once again had to explain to me what it meant and how to 'cure' it persay. I felt quite embrassed at knowing so little about being human. I had watched my friends many times and learned of it through the programs I ran but never before had i experienced any of the sensations a human feels.

I masked my emotions, the one thing that I could still do well was bear a smile despite what was in my heart. I began to wonder if I belonged on earth. My thoughts drifted back to life in Lyoko, before X.A.N.A was infected. It was before I had met my dear friedns and as much as I loved them I couldn't help but wonder if I would be happier still in Lyoko, oblivious to any of the new emotions and sensations that were bombarding me. I was accustomed to being, 'virtual' as Jeremie would call it, but the word itself makes it sound as if I never truely exsisted. I know that a 'virtual' world is a mere program made by a computer, artificial intelligence of sorts.

I was virtual once, so at one point I never exsisted but yet i did. It seems that my exsistence is a bit of a paradox, I exsisted but only in virtual form so I didn't exsist. Thinking to myself it makes no sense yet there is no other explanation for it. When I was materialized I was born, a human shell with the mind of a computer program. I began to feel an emotion called 'despair'. I was materialized, so I exsisted, yet my mind was my virtual mind. What did this make me? I was far from human, yet I was no longer a program, I was merely an exsistence.

I hope you liked!! review please


	4. Like a Child

**Authors note: **One major thing I forgot about was how Aelita had no sense of touch or smell, I noticed this while watching the show last night. I'll have her think about touch but I'll ignore smell for the time being. So for the sake of not having to edit and rewrite everything pretend she thought about it, here I'll have her elaborate a bit on her feelings. In response to the storyline- im starting it mostly with her emotions for a reason, so set a mood and establish the fact that this fanfic takes place more in Aelita's mind and her recollecting than as-it-happens events as in most stories.

Yumi fell asleep far before me, and I wondered what sleep would be like. I was also startled by the other new sensations I was feeling, touch was quite a surprise to me. I recalled Jeremie explaining it to me the day Yumi was almost lost in Lyoko. I hadn't mentioned it to the others yet, for I wanted to explore this sense a bit more before asking about it. I didn't know how to describe anything just a strange sensation I felt along my whole body. The clothes caused this sensation, the way I was sitting, I could feel the pressure of my leg against my thigh as i sat cross-legged. I pinched myself and retracted, findign the resulting sensation rather unpleasant. I knew the name of this one sensation, pain I beleived I heard the others speak of once.

It was not long until my eyes began to feel as if I simply had to close them, and my entire body had a strong sensation that was highly uncomfortable, but not quite like pain. _I wonder if this is how I know I should sleep_ I pondered, and without hesiating sprawled out across the bed Yumi had set up for me and closed my eyes and slept for the first time in my exsistance. It was a strange experience, the longer I held my eyes closed the better I felt. Morning broke and it seemed to have passed in a flash, I did not remember falling asleep, but as I opened my eyes I found that I did not want to rise, but only to return as I was and close my eyes again. Yumi laughed as she shook me, apparently for the second time.

"Wake up, we have to go to school." It seemed unusual to hear Yumi laugh.

"Sleeping is strange, I don't remember it that well." I admitted,

"You either didn't fell deep in sleep enough to dream or you just don't recall it. But sleeping is like being uncious in a good way, so you normally won't remember sleeping unless you dream." Yumi explained to me.

"What does it feel like to dream?" I asked.

"Its like... well... when you dream its like being awake in your mind. Like when we used to virtualize into Lyoko, your mind is in a different world while your body sleeps. You'll have a dream soon enough." She explained as she went to her closet to change. "You might want to change too. Borrow my clothes until I get a chance to take you shopping." I nodded as she handed me an outfit and I changed. I felt awkward as I tried to adjust to having the sense of touch. I rather hated the sensation "pain", and having never felt it before I was rather sensative to it. Likewise pleasure was felt just as strongly, whenever Jeremie touched my hand, or rubbed my shoulders gently when I complained they hurt. I knew I loved him, what else could the emotion I had been feeling be? I found classes quite boring. I knew most of this information because I had spent my life as a computer program, and I managed to have astounding grades except for history, it seems I was never programed with any knowledge from that.

My first time sitting at lunch Sissy decided t o pay us a visit, and was particularly cruel to me.

"This is the new girl? Rather scrawny if you ask me." She scoffed.

"You're just jealous." Odd waved her off.

"You're not gonna push me around anymore Odd! Ulrich, aren't you gonna say something?" She whined, stamping her foot into the ground as she crossed her arms.

"Get over yourself, and by the way did you wash that shirt with canary dye again?" Odd laughed, the others following suit. She huffed and stormed off after muttering another sarcastic comment to me.

"Don't let her get to you" The others tried to assure me, but I had little exposure to cruelty in any method besides X.A.N.A's physical attacks. The way she tried to attack my emotions was rather new to me, and reacted as a young child would. I cried.

Sorry its so short, school has got me sooo busy! review please!


	5. AUTHORS NOTE

Sorry for the delay- very busy with schoolwork, stuff for college applications, drivers ed, trying to have a social life in between all that. I'll try to have a new chapter up once some of the craziness in my life settles.


	6. AUTHORS NOTE

Sorry for the long delay, lots of school stuff, I'll do the best I can to get a chapter up soon! Lots of studying to do, last minute xmas stuff, college apps you get the idea.


	7. A talk with Jeremy

Sorry for the long delay!!!!

Several days passed as I adjusted to my new life. I was still not used to having five sense compared to my previous two. I had yet to adjust to living in a bustling city, or the concept of school. I knew everything they were trying to teach. I was, after all, a computer program turned human. It still strikes me as odd. I could not help but think about my previous 'existence' or lack of. This question bothered me and I brought it up while talking to Jeremy one day.

"Jeremy… I've been thinking lately. If I am human now, what was I in Lyoko? I was just a virtual thing. And in your world virtual is something not real, just a computer program. I can not help but wonder if I ever really existed before last week." The words poured out of my mouth before I knew I was saying them.

"Aelita, you've always been real…" he paused slightly and I could see his face reddening. "To me anyway." He added quickly. "Always." His words took me by surprise, I was special to him, I was something to him even as just a virtual being. I looked at him, that shy cheeky smile had a strange power over me. I did not understand what was happening at the time but I found myself leaning towards him, closing my eyes so I could focus on my other senses, the way Jeremy smelled with that polite soft cologne, the slight musty scent of his old clothing, the distinct aroma of his hair gel. Then I felt something else, his lips were on my own. The sensation was strange, foreign but I had never felt something to grand. I leaned closer as I felt his lips moving against mine and I returned the movement. _Is this what a kiss is?_ I wondered. I did not want it to end. It lasted only seconds, and Jeremy pulled back. My eyes snapped open and my cheeks felt as if they had been sunburned, and I noticed his cheeks were bright red.

I rubbed my arm nervously, but pulled my hand back still not used to the sensation. Jeremy brought his hand up and brushed it against my cheek. His fingers sent chills through me. With a sudden movement he pulled his hand back and laughed nervously.

"Uhh…" That cheeky little embarrassed laugh rose from his throat, and I found that I was laughing the same way._ He kissed me! _ I felt what one would call "childish". Having never experienced childhood this metaphor had no meaning to me, but it is the only way I could describe my feelings in a way others would understand. We both stared at each other in silence for a short while, and I grew aware that Jeremy was clutching my hand. "Do you want to umm… go for a walk?" I could hear the nervousness in his voice.

"I would love to." I collected myself quickly and tucked my loose hair behind my ears. I looked down at my clothes, they seemed so strange to me. Denim pants with a white tank top, with a brownish jacked lined in a soft white material that I could not quite find the name of. The garments were quite odd, but Yumi had chosen them for me and I trusted her. I wondered if Jeremy noticed and thought I looked nice.

Staring at him I felt that irresistible pull, that smile that seemed to never leave his lips, his rebellious blonde hair blowing in the wind. I knew for sure at this point what I felt was unmistakably love. I wondered if I would be good at it. Loving, I mean. I did not have the many years of socializing others had and so I was, what they call, socially inept. Although I still do not understand the meaning of that phrase.

I took his extended hand and stood up, and we walked side by side to the park.

Sorry this is so short!!!


	8. A haunting Thought

My fingers were intertwined with Jeremy's; despite the fact I still could not seem to adjust to the sensation of touch. I enjoyed the feel of his hand clasped with mine. I wondered if certain sensations of touch felt better if the person with whom you were interacting held a special place in your heart.

A stark wind blew sending a chill through my spine, and I used my free hand to rub my arm briskly. Jeremy glanced over at me and smiled,

"If you're cold we can go back." He offered. I had no desire to leave the park where I was able to be alone with him. As much as I cared for the others Jeremy was special. You cannot describe what you feel for a person such as that. Even the word "love" seems inferior to my actual emotions. My mind often drifts back to the day where I first laid eyes upon him; the first being I interacted with for countless years. It was Jeremy who first shattered through my bitter loneliness. It seems strange to think that, for when I was alone in Lyoko I felt no loneliness because to feel lonely you must have interacted with others and miss being with others. I had no such experience recent enough to bring to memory at that time. Perhaps it is better to say he shattered through my naïve existence?

I try not to think too much on such things, it seems to depress me. I feel a homesickness for Lyoko that I never would have expected to feel. I had only been out for a week but it was the knowledge that I would never return that spawned it. I had not realized I was dazing a bit until Jeremy let go of my hand and placed his upon my shoulders and shook me gently.

"Aelita? Are you alright?" he asked. I looked over at him and realized that it was not the first time he had asked.

"I'm Fine." I smiled with a light chuckle. "Just lost in thought I guess." I quickly added. Jeremy seemed satisfied with my answer. It was then I noticed that Jeremy was troubled. "But it seems you may not be." He seemed almost embarrassed that I noticed.

"Just thinking is all." He explained with a shrug.

"What about?" The sudden shift mood disturbed me, I had been enjoying the content serenity.

"What if someone else discovers the factory one day? We found it because of my computer skills. I am not the only person who can manipulate a computer. All it takes is another computer geek with curious friends to reactivate everything. If they open it…" His voice trailed off, no real need for him to finish his sentence as we both understood what it would mean.

"Don't worry Jeremy everything will be fine." I tried to assure him, although my mind was as troubled as his. I had never contemplated such a scenario. We both understood it would not happen in the near future, but it most surely could happen again one day. I did not want to think of such a thing and convinced myself it was impossible to overcome whatever Jeremy had done to shut down Lyoko.

"I don't know. Maybe I need to sabotage the machinery." He offered hesitantly.

"No." The word came from be before I had thought of it. As long as the machinery were intact I could one day return to Lyoko if I so desired. My homesickness seemed to increase with the thought of destroying my only hope of ever seeing it. At the same time I realized that X.A.N.A could be reawakened. Either way I would lose.

"Aelita…" He spoke softly.

"Sorry. Umm I just miss Lyoko a bit." I tried to smile but it was in vain.

"Oh." Jeremy looked down, almost ashamed in a way.

"No no! It's not like that Jeremy. I love it here, with you." By 'you' I meant Jeremy specifically, but the others as well. I knew I loved Jeremy. Although I was naïve to love before I met him I knew undeniably now that was what I was feeling.

"Its okay Aelita. You must be homesick. I would be too." He smiled at me and I returned the gesture. He took my hand again and it was as if the thought had never crossed our minds. However, I would one day regret not encouraging Jeremy to destroy the uplink to Lyoko permanently.

I hope you enjoyed. Please review. Indentations don't like to stay when I put them in for proper paragraphing so please ignore that.


	9. A Talent Discovered

"Come on Aelita let me walk you home. I have an appointment I need to keep." He offered shyly. I smiled and took his hand, pausing a moment to stare at his eyes, and I wondered what he saw in mine. I felt the urge to kiss him, an impulse I never before felt, and strangely I felt embarrassed by this. Luckily Jeremy did not seem to notice and we began to walk hand-in-hand towards Yumi's house.

"I hope it rains." I said, trying to break the silence.

"Why?" He replied.

"Well, I've never experienced rain before. I can't wait to see snow Jeremy." I smiled.

"Winter is a ways off, but I assure you it will rain eventually." He laughed. "You should see thunderstorms, they truly show off nature's power without too much damage." He added. I must have sounded so idiotic, bringing up the weather as a topic to talk about but it fascinated me because I was still adjusting the sensation of touch. I would sometimes just close my eyes and think about how the air feels against my skin, hot or cold, humid or dry. Odd once called me a "hippie" but I didn't understand his meaning.

The walk back to Yumi's place seemed too short, and I was sad to part ways with him even if it was just for a short while.

"I guess I'll catch you later." He smiled, blushing a bit and I could tell what he wanted. He leaned towards me, and I towards him for a quick parting kiss. I watched him walk away, hoping he would turn around at one point to look at me but he didn't, and I waited until he disappeared from my sight.

When I finally walked back inside I headed upstairs to Yumi's room and found her playing with a keyboard resting on her lap. The music was simplistic, yet still lovely. I adored music, and it seemed I understood it without ever looking or listening to it before. It was as if I had an innate knowledge of it. Then I wondered if Jeremy, Odd, and Ulrich knew that she played the keyboard.

"Which song are you playing?" I asked idly. She seemed a bit startled so I assumed she didn't see me walk in.

"Nothing hard, just a simple melody I heard in my head." She replied, with a shrug. I sat on the edge of my bed and listened to the music she played. I found that most people seemed to have a compulsive urge to talk to someone when they're around them, as if they have a strong hatred for silence or the appreciation of music and the like. I had no such need, I was used to silence and the music was calming enough that my desire to talk to someone after my romantic moment with Jeremy was ebbed. At that moment I began to wonder if I should tell Yumi. She seemed too preoccupied with her keyboard and I decided not to bother her.

"Would you like to try?" She offered me after a short while.

"I've never played." I replied.

"Just push the keys, each one has a certain note. See what melody you can create." She explained. She seemed so much softer when I was alone with her than she acted like in school. But I can't blame her, the way those at school act could drive anyone into a hard shell. I took they keyboard from her and thought of a song that oddly enough I knew, it was one of the melodies that seemed to play in my head when I was alone in Lyoko. Its hard to describe what that was like, I must have been programmed with this knowledge. That thought, however, reminded me all too well of how I was created artificially and I was not a real human. I shook off this feeling so as not to ruin my good mood. My fingers seemed to move without my thinking of them, and the melody must have been familiar, for Yumi shouted out a title.

"Fur Elise! You can play that? When did you learn to play piano?" She asked, obviously startled. I shrugged. "What else do you know?" She asked. By the excitement in her tone I could tell that the keyboard… or piano, was her secret passion. I played pieces of songs that I could bring to mind, and it seems that I had a seemingly endless supply of songs all of which Yumi could name. Along with who composed them. It seemed we finally found something we could both truly enjoy. "Wow. You're really good at this." She said, with what sounded like adoration in her voice.

"Thank you." I smiled. There was something I could do that my friends could not. While in Lyoko I could not fight, I had to run helplessly. Now I had a chance to do something others could not. A special talent, and I hoped Jeremy would be impressed.

Sorry this is so short I just got horrible news so I'm gonna end the chapter here since I can't bring myself to write at the moment.


	10. A moment shattered

Sorry for the delay!

I was anxious the entire day at school, extremely restless as I anticipated showing Jeremy my abilities with a keyboard. I barely paid attention in class. Not like it mattered, I had a database of every fact they were to teach us. My usual flurry of aggravation at myself for my lack of social skills was washed away with my excitement.

As I stared at the clock during last period, I began slipping into daydreams. Something I often did, alone in Lyoko there had been little else to do. But this was the first time I daydreamed about Jeremy alone, about lying in his arms, about his kiss. _His kiss…_That platonic gesture that held infinite meaning. I closed my eyes, ignoring how foolish I must have looked, and tried to recall everything. My memory still worked like a computer, taking only seconds to grab hold of even the finest details. That soft feel of his lips pressed against mine, the subtle almost undetectable movement of his jaw as he deepened the kiss some. The way his hands rested against mine and the nervous moisture of their touch. The sweet smell of his cologne mingled with whatever conditioner he used, and an almost vague scent of sweat. He was nervous, I could tell. Yet, he still smelled wonderful. To me anyway, I was still absorbed into having real senses, and having the feeling of my eyes hurt in bright lights and my ears hurting with intense sound.

The bell rang, starling me from my thoughts. I gathered my books together and started leaving the room, hoping to sprint down the hallway and meet Jeremy along the way, but I was stopped by Odd.

"Hiya Aelita!" He laughed. "In that much of a rush to leave are you?" He patted me on the back somewhat roughly. "Watch this" He grinned. He jerked on the fire alarm and burst into laughter as the sprinklers in the hall went off, soaking everyone trying to get down the crowded hallway and the loud shrieks of the annoyed girls with ruined hairdos. I looked at him, unsure of how it was amusing. But it was Odd after all, and I was not one to question his motives.

"Odd I really have to go… I'm sorry." I tried to explain. I knew Yumi was waiting by the doors as she did everyday, and I wanted to tell her I was going to be with Jeremy.

"Don't be in such a rush! I'll catch ya later!" He left with his trademark laugh ringing in my ears. I sprinted down the hallway , enjoying the feel of the sprinklers. I had yet to experience rain, and the sensation was utterly strange. Not something I could describe. By the time I found Yumi I was quite soaked, and she game me a strange smirk.

"I see you were caught in Odd's prank huh?" She asked. "Ulrich wanted to see me today so I won't be able to walk you home. Is that alright?" She asked. I breathed a sigh of relief,

"Works out perfect actually, I was going to go see Jeremy." I replied. Yumi laughed, she knew that we were together and she seemed quite happy for us.

"Show off your musical talents, he's bound to love it." She suggested.

"Its like you read my mind!" We laughed and parted ways as I searched for Jeremy. It was not hard to find him, he had been searching for me as well. We went back to his room to "chill" for a while. Once inside I asked him immediately if he had a keyboard.

"Strangely enough Aelita I think I do!" He laughed and rummaged through the closet.

"I want to show you something." I explained, and I could feel myself blushing. It was strange to think, I know I have blushed before but to _feel_ it is utterly different. Such a strange feeling it is. I clicked the keyboard on, momentarily enjoying the textured feel of the keyboard. I still found the sense of touch utterly fascinating. I took a deep breath and started playing, my fingers moving across the keyboard with ease playing the tune that seemed to come to my mind without conscious thought. I looked up at Jeremy and he seemed quite stunned. With a keyboard its impossible to create some of the effects a piano can create, but my foot tapped anyway to the invisible pedal. Its strange, there was to pedal there and I had never played a piano yet I know its intricate workings.

After I stopped playing Jeremy urged me to play another song, his eyes wide and unblinking. And so I did. I stopped paying attention to how many songs I played, I ran through my memory of songs, playing pieces of each and blending them together in an intricate melody that left Jeremy speechless. After I stopped playing and set the keyboard down I looked at him, waiting for a response.

"Aelita… I've never heard such lovely songs… and from a keyboard! I must listen to you play the piano, I've never heard anything that can match the pure beauty of your voice." He told me. I blushed at this, with a strong burning sensation and I could only imagine how bright red I was. I felt a chill course through my body as Jeremy came to sit next to me. I turned to face him

"Oh Jeremy! At last I can do something that others cannot besides sensing digital towers!" I laughed joyfully. "I have a talent I can use in this world!" I was excited to the point I could cry. Jeremy seemed as joyful as I was. We both smiled and he started leaning closer to me. I closed my eyes and leaned slightly, waiting for that wonderful feel. His lips against mine. I stiffened slightly when he kissed me, the rush it caused me was almost startling. His hand reached up and rested on my shoulder, sliding to the back of my neck and twining in my hair. I shifted myself closer and rested my hands upon his shoulders, unsure if I should embrace him fully.

Suddenly, my head began to throb and images flashed before my eyes. It was not quite like my daydreams where I half see, it was as if my eyes were opened and I was looking around me. I pulled back sharply and placed my hands to my head, and as the pain worsened I cried out in pain.

"Aelita! Aelita!" I heard Jeremy screaming my name. The flashing images, horrifying images no mortal should ever have to witness. I cried out again in agony before doubling over into Jeremy's arms as the blackness took me.


	11. AUTHORS NOTE terribly sorry!

Again I apologize for a HUGE delay! So much stuff going on with graduation approaching, my new job, college stuff to do, projects, finals to study for, getting stuff organized for prom its hard to keep up with my fanfiction. So please be patient with me!


	12. A New Fear Unleashed

Sorry for the delay, and just to piss me off I started writing a new chapter and my computer deleted it when it was almost finished so, I have to start over -.- But I apologize for the ridiculous delay!

"Aelita" I heard my name but I didn't seem to acknowledge it at first, "Aelita" As my name was repeated I began to realize it was Jeremy. I groaned, placing a hand to my head slowly and pried my eyes open.

"Jeremy?" I said questioningly, as things finally came into focus. "What… what happened?" I couldn't quite recall anything. Except for those images, those horrifying images that seared through my mind like a hot iron.

"You blacked out." He responded, and it seemed he had been crying. "You just let out a shout then collapsed. Are you alright!" He seemed more terrified than I was, and I smiled some to try and settle him.

"I'm fine now Jeremy." In truth, my mind was in turmoil. Those images would not leave my mind, and they are far beyond description. I recalled learning about the holocaust and seeing pictures of that, but even those cannot compare.

"Do you remember anything?" He asked me. A this point tears flooded my eyes and I flung myself into his arms, rather unlike me I must admit, but I was so terrified. As those pictures that felt like they were literally burned into my mind became clearer, the faces of those people looked to me like my dear friends. At this, I started crying harder, relentless rivers of tears flooding down my face as I cried with reckless abandon

"It was horrible! I saw things… horrible things… people just… mutilated… burned, seared, tortured, ripped apart! I could almost hear their screams! Fire was everywhere… but it was not normal fire…. I cannot describe how horrible it is!" I wailed. There was a long silence after that, Jeremy had closed his arms around me tightly but it seemed that he could not think of anything to say.

"Aelita…" He said finally. "I can only think of one way such a thing would be in your mind." He said, but his voice had a frightening tone of uneasiness; I wanted to ask him not to tell me what he thought. "You were part of a computer program… all your memories were implanted into your human mind because they were downloaded from your memories that were programmed into you. I wonder if X.A.N.A, at a last attempt to sabotage everything implanted these horrid things into your mind but they downloaded as a subconscious memory." He explained. The way he explained it made me feel even more false, _downloaded_. Made me sound like a bootleg copy of something.

"He… couldn't have. He could disrupt Lyoko but I was different… he couldn't hack my system or he would have just killed me." I tried to defend.

"I'm sorry Aelita but-"

"No Jeremy! Not this time, he did not hack my system! I'm _human_ now! Nothing X.A.N.A ever did can effect me now!" It felt so unlike me to yell, in fact I can never recall being angry before. Never with Jeremy. But I guess I was just overly emotional, I needed to leave. So I did, I turned out the door and ran in sheer disbelief and denial. Jeremy did not follow me, I assumed he knew I needed time to think for myself. "It is not true, it is not true." I tried to assure myself as I ran from his house, down the street until I found Yumi's house. I burst inside, accidentally startling her parents and once I ran into her, _our_, room I found her sitting on her bed and I could tell I startled her.

"Aelita?" She asked, obviously perplexed by my strange entrance. I can imagine how odd it must have been. "Are you alright?" At that, I suddenly became aware that I was still crying. "Did something happen with you and Jeremy?"

"No" I responded quickly, I could never let the others think Jeremy had hurt me in any way. I love him dearly. "Something else… happened." I looked down as I said this.

"Tell me." Yumi ordered more than asked. I flinched but knew there was no avoiding it.

"I was sitting with Jeremy when I saw these… images… I blacked out. When I woke up and told him what I saw he said X.A.N.A must have programmed those images into my memory before I was made human. Those images just frightened me so and if X.A.N.A could have left something like memories what else could he have done to me?" I looked up at her now, at the brink of tears once again. I would not tell her that I felt even more inhuman than before, no one needed to know that for they could never understand.

I am EXTREMELY sorry for how short this chapter is, I'll get another one up as soon as I can!


	13. A few weeks later

Sorry I'm always delayed with updates, I've been busy, but heres the update!

Weeks passed and nothing changed, I was still afraid but Jeremy was always by my side. Those horrifying images often plagued me and no matter how hard I tried I could not block them or learn to ignore them. The others seemed quite distressed over this and although I would tell them what I saw at first, I eventually stopped and kept it to myself.

"Aelita?" It was Jeremy's voice calling to me, I shook my head as everything came back into focus. Another attack had taken me despite my efforts to fight it off. I had been holding it inside for nearly a month and the effect was beginning to take its toll.

"S-sorry." I replied suddenly. I felt so unlike myself, I never hid things from Jeremy before and I hated doing it, but it killed me just as much to see how concerned he grew when I told him about the images. But something worse was beginning to happen, I could feel it. I felt the same as I did when X.A.N.A activated a tower in Lyoko. But I was no longer in Lyoko, it made no sense.

"Aelita… you seem… upset lately." Jeremy said hesitantly, placing his hand on my shoulder. I nodded out of reflex, but then I realized what he had actually said.

"Jeremy… I want to tell you something but you must promise me not to tell the others. Or anyone." I said quietly, unable to bring myself to look at him.

"Of course." His response was so honest, just the sound of his voice was enough to calm me.

"I've been seeing those images still… I did not wish for you all to worry so I did not tell you. Please do not be mad at me Jeremy!" I wanted to cry more than ever. "But now things are worse… I feel… I feel as if a tower has been activated I just have that same feeling. I know I am no longer in Lyoko," just saying the name made my homesick, I never thought I would miss Lyoko so, "but I feel the same way I did when X.A.N.A would activate a tower."

There was one thing I did not tell him, that I had no intentions of telling him. That with this feeling I felt these horrible urges, I wanted to harm people. It wasn't truly me having those desires, I would never want to hurt someone but it was as if something inside of me was telling me to fulfill what I saw when I fell into my trance-like state. Nothing terrified me more than that, to know that something inside of me was making me _want _to hurt people, to _kill,_ to make people _suffer._ But I could never tell anyone this. Surely they would wither think I was going crazy or possibly even fear me. All I had in this world was my friends I could never risk losing them, but with the arise of these awful urges I feared I would do something to harm them.

"Aelita… we have to look into this then. We might have to go down to the lab…" he said quietly, his arm laced over my shoulder and I turned to him and buried my face into his chest, just wanting to feel his embrace. I did not cry, although I wished I could. I was frightened, confused, and overwhelmed. Everything over the passing weeks seemed to be leading to my slow spiral into insanity.

As Jeremy wrapped his arms around me I laced my own arms around his waist as I buried my face into his chest, feeling his gently touch and his soft kisses atop my head. I tightened my own embrace just wanting to be as close to him as possible.

"Jeremy… what if X.A.N.A can't be stopped…" I whispered. "What if he found his way outside of Lyoko and shutting down Lyoko will not stop him." I replied. We had yet to shut down Lyoko, I had refused to let them do it. I guess that I was still too attached to the place. The others grew quite frustrated about it, Ulrich most of all. "Jeremy… I'm scared." I confessed. I wanted to tell him everything but I was afraid to lose him, and at this thought I finally began to cry.

"Aelita… no matter what happens I'll always protect you. You have nothing to fear" I wanted to tell him I did have something to fear, for once… his words brought me no comfort. Tears flowed down my cheeks as I embraced Jeremy closer, just needing to be closer to him, I wanted him to protect me, but he could only fight things outside, he couldn't battle something that was within my own mind. To do that, he would have to battle me.

"But if X.A.N.A has infected me what can you possibly do!" I shouted, pulling away from him, crying quite hysterically at this point. I was trembling slightly, struggling to push anything out of my mind, I just did not want to think. "Jeremy you cannot protect me from something inside of me." I spoke the words that were searing through my mind.

"I promise to protect you from _anything_!" He said, grabbing my shoulders and shaking me. I burst into tears again and clutched him in my arms, finding mild comfort in his embrace as he held me close to him. "X.A.N.A won't get away with this I swear. He's a computer virus… and when it comes to computers no one knows more than me!" he said with a chuckle. "I'll fix things don't worry." He pulled me away from his chest and brushed his fingers against my cheek. "Don't worry." I managed a weak smile. Then I felt one hand slide to the back of my neck and the other to the base of my back as he pulled me close to him, and pressed his lips against mine. I sighed into his kiss, the tears still streaming down my cheeks. "I love you Aelita, I promise to always make sure nothing happens to you."

"I love you too Jeremy, I always have!" I cried harder, just hearing him say those words meant so much to me. I kissed him again at this, still crying with streams of tears. Quite unlike me, I was never the impulsive type but I did not care. I had to feel his lips against mine, his arms around me. He was all I truly had, without him I have nothing.

I am SO sorry I keep posting short chapters, I'm just so busy that I have severe writers block and not a whole lot of time. So sorry! Once I gain some more free time I'll try to put a more decent chapter up… I don't know if I even like this one, I might replace it….


	14. Author's Note

-1I am thinking of picking this story back up again, but I want to make sure I'll even have people reading it. By now I'm bound to have lost my loyal reviewers. But, I may continue this story if there's enough support for that decision.


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